-----Original Message----- From: Scott Woods [mailto:Woods@LordWhip.com] Sent: Monday, August 12, 2002 12:20 PM To: dan.hoelke@hjheinz.com; Paul S. Rovner; Eric A. Drossner Subject: Predictions for Myrtle Beach VI Gentlemen, Once again, I am stunned that we will be heading for our SIXTH trip to Myrtle Beach and every year seems to get better then the last. Even after months and months of anticipation and planning, this trip never fails to live up to our unbelievably high expectations and this year promises to be the greatest trip in our history (at least until next year, which is now only 368 days away unless we decide to move it up). All of this, despite the fact that our trip is basically the same every year... play a lot of golf, eat a lot of hot dogs and fast food, go out a few times and maybe have one big drinking night, play some roofball, go on to the beach a few times, not sleep much and go home and be miserable until our next trip. And yet, each trip has had something that stood out as the defining memory of the trip. You guys might disagree with a few of these but: Year 1: The Prick House and Dan going home with no underpants one evening... Year 2: Unfortunately, it may be best remembered for staying at The Anderson Inn and Droz hanging up the phone and making us miss our tee time... the only time it's happened in 5 years... Year 3: I believe it's the year we played Ocean Harbor... I think it's also the year we discovered The Texas Roadhouse... (maybe Year 3 doesn't have anything that memorable after all)... Year 4: Medieval Times, Crocodile Rocks and lesbians... need I say more... Year 5: Stealing the Croc and knickers... So the question is, what will this year be remembered for... Will it be The Year of the Puke as we have promised? Will someone hit it big on The Southern Elegance Casino Cruise? Will it be the Year Scott gets laid in Myrtle Beach? (Allright, I guess I'm getting a little carried away...) I hope it never happens, but I think I'll have to be realistic and I dread the year that one or more of us is unable to go for whatever reason. Hopefully, we'll just be able to reschedule for another time, but I guess we'll worry about that when it happens, but I will reiterate my earlier order... "No fucking in December" or at least "wrap it" since it would seem the birth of a child would pose the biggest threat to our trip. In any event, Tropical Depression Cristobal has cleared out for us and the weather report for each day says: Partly Sunny (although sometimes it says Partly Cloudy and I'm not sure what the difference is) with highs in the upper 80's and lows in the low 70's. Perfect weather conditions for another awesome trip to Myrtle. So now it's time for a few predictions for this year's trip: #1: We will go to the golf supply heaven known as Martin's As you guys well know, I like to get my predictions started off with an easy one. A more aggressive prediction would be to try and predict the number of times that we will go to Martin's... Generally, I think we only make one appearance at this wonderful store in order to restock our supply of golf balls to be sent into any number of water hazards, but I'm sure that there have been years when we've been there on 2 or 3 occassions especially given the fact that we have a tendency to go to the Martins on Highway 501 and the second store in North Myrtle as if they will have different kinds of "golf stuff" for us to look at and buy. Obviously, Martins is a must early in our trip this year so that we can pick up the countless number of coupon books to ensure that this is, in fact, The Year of the Coupon. #2: I will win the driving accurracy and greens in regulation statistics I am particularly excited about the newest stats that will be kept during this year's trip... fairways hit and greens in regulation. What a great way to find out just how bad we really suck when we realize how very few times we actually manage to hit our drives onto the fairway and how even fewer times we manage to put the ball on the green in regulation. A better prediction might be to predict by which round Paul or I will forget or get tired of keeping these valuable stats. (Not going to happen... Paul and I are devoted to Myrtle Beach stats and I think this is a great addition to the stat book). Most would expect Dan to win these statistics, but I am gunning for the titles of Myrtle Beach Driving Accurracy and Greens In Regulation Champion. Others would say that I am creating new "championships" because I don't feel that I can win the MBBC. Dan would say, "it doesn't fucking matter because I'm going to win the trifecta anyway." I guess we'll just have to see in 3 days... #3: Somebody will have a hole in one Yes, a constant in every Myrtle Beach Predictions e-mail, but one that I'm hoping comes through one of these years. The only thing I'm worried about is framing that scorecard sandwiching the 1 around a double par 8 and a double digit on the next hole, so that when people look at the scorecard they say, "Hey nice shot on the Par 3... what the FUCK were you doing on those other holes?" By the way, I think we need to establish a reward for the first person to have a hole-in-one... Maybe we all chip in $100 EVERY YEAR until somebody makes one IN MYRTLE... we could invest it or just keep it in the bank, but how great would it be on every par 3 in say 10 years if someone still hasn't made a hole-in-one if there's $4,000 on the line. And in the completely likely event that it never happens, then we'll have a shitload of money to do whatever with in 25 years or so. At the very least, I would say that the person who makes the hole-in-one should get a blow job from Droz and if it's Droz, Dan can do the honors. I'm serious about the $100 wager, but at the very least, the hole-in-one man gets a free lobster/steak dinner, a night of shots (yes, Rover, you'll have to do shots if you make a hole-in-one) and all the lap dances he wants that night which leads me to my next prediction. #4: This will be the year that we finally make our way to a Gentlemen's Club I believe there was much talk on this subject in the months leading up to our inaugural trip back in 1997 when all of us were single. We did manage to make it to the Freaky Tiki (Barber) Bar and watch a pretty decent wet T-Shirt contest, but, for some reason, that's the closest we've ever gotten to seeing a pair of ta-ta's in Myrtle Beach (unless, of course, you consider seeing my man breasts in the pool or on the beach). This is the year that we break that drought gentlemen, so get ready to get shit faced and head to a place with a name like Derrierres and watch a slut with a name like Deserae, Chantel, Bambi, Candy, and yes, in some strip clubs, Sammy, shake her cans in your face and show you her shaved beaver. #5: The Myrtle Beach Pelicans will lose to the Potomac Cannons 7-1 I have no idea who's going to win the fucking game and I have no info. on either team except that I think Myrtle Beach is the best team in the league. In what should be an interesting evening, the better prediction might be whether we actually remember the final score of this game. We will be playing a game called "Cups" so bring your $1 bills which will also come in handy in satisfying prediction #4. "Cups" is certainly not a drinking game by any means, but when you're watching the unknown schmucks from the Myrtle Beach Pelicans play the "Who are these fuckin' guys" from the Potomac Cannons in a bitter Class A battle, you'd better do some gambling and some heavy drinking to maintain some interest in the game. I look for the Cannons to win 7-1, but more importantly I predict that Droz and Paul will quickly become fans of "Cups" and even MORE importantly, I think the Pelicans game will provide an excellent start to an awesome evening. #6: We will get a ride from Romeo on more then one occassion but I GUARANTEE that he has no idea who the fuck we are on our first ride with him I'm not sure what the deal is with infatuation with Romeo the cab driver except maybe for the fact that he's from Albania which means nothing to Paul, but makes Dan, Droz, and I quote the episode from Cheers when Coach sings, "Albania... Albania." That and the fact that because he's a foreigner I can ask him questions about schvatzas because foreigners don't like them either. Anyway, I predict that when we get our first ride from Romeo, Paul will immediately start asking him if he remembers us. He will probably pretend that he does, but the fucker has probably given so many cab rides to so many drunken idiot golfers in the last year, that there's no way he remembers who we are. I would even guess that there are other schmucks like us who have probably sung the Albania song to him. Romeo will NOT remember us! #7: We all have already gotten or are scheduled to have our pre-Myrtle Beach haircut To be honest, I just got a haircut a couple of weeks ago and probably don't need it, but the thought of going to Myrtle without a fresh cut seems to be sacrilege. I don't know what it is about going to Myrtle or going on vacation that makes one want to get a haircut, but it seems the four of us every year get trims before the trip. You would think I would want to have as much hair as possible to cover up any areas of skin that I'm unable to lather up with somlar babies. I'm guessing if you haven't already gotten your trim, then you're scheduled to get one in the next couple of days. #8: One of the courses we play this year will jump to the top of our lists for our favorite course in Myrtle Beach As we discussed during a particularly unproductive day at the office, Dan's favorite is International World Tour, Droz likes Barefoot Fazio, I LOVE Barefoot Love, and Paul likes any course with a GPS system. I predict that 2 or more of these favorites will change after playing some of the courses that we have scheduled this year. It will be good to play Caledonia and "remember" it since it's been so long since we played it. I'm also looking forward to all of the new courses that we're playing and expect them all to be quality golf courses that will become some of our favorites. #9: I will win the 2002 Myrtle Beach Birdie Championship You certainly didn't expect me to pick Dan to win this thing, did you? And while, I'm a huge advocate of the Rover, the championship is my creation and it's time for me to take back the title that so rightfully belongs to me. I may not be playing well right now, but I am expecting HUGE things from my new clubs down in Myrtle. The final standings and totals as I predict them: Scott - 10 birdies Dan - 7 birdies Droz - 6 birdies Paul - 5 birdies #10: Paul will successfully get us home from the airport to the Mystic Sea Paul assures me that he has been preparing for this drive for the last 365 days. He can see the route in his mind. He has completely blocked out last year's debacle of an attempt to get us home which was one of the worst attempts we have ever seen. He attributes last year's failure to being much too anxious about the drive. He is prepared and I predict that this is the year that he gets the job done. #11: I will not get laid Decided that just as I like to start it off with a lock, I might as well finish with a lock. As you may notice, the predictions have become more and more difficult to write over the years. I know you may wonder why there aren't any predictions about the Southern Elegance Casino Cruise... after my Vegas predictions of huge winnings for myself fell through, I thought it best to leave the Southern Elegance alone. I've also previously predicted that Dan will forget to buy his logo golf ball on at least one occassion. This one seemed a little too easy and may not be true since we've talked about it so much. In any event, I hope this live up to your expectations. More importantly, I hope that it took a few minutes off of your day so that you're now that much closer to Myrtle Beach. In just 74 hours we will be standing on the first tee of Shaftesbury Glen. Droz will win the "tee flippy" and then he will shank his drive to the right, Dan will stripe his down the middle, I'll manage to hit the fairway with a decent drive (after all I am going to win the driving accurracy title) and Paul will dribble his into the rough and we will be off on the first round of Myrtle Beach VI... there's nothing better... except maybe sex... so I've heard... And the only question that remains... Will we be wearing knickers? Scott C. Woods, Esquire Lord & Whip, P.A. 800 One Center Plaza 120 West Fayette Street Baltimore, MD 21201 410-539-5881 woods@lordwhip.com The information contained in this electronic message is confidential and, if addressed to our client or certain counsel, is subject to the attorney-client or work product privilege, and is intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above. 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